I thought about calling this page “The Suspects” but that would imply innocence until proven guilty and it’s a fact that no one living here, either part time or full time, is innocent.
The Boyfriend
The Boyfriend and I have been together since September 2001. He is spontaneous and fun-loving which frequently translates into procrastinating and out of control. As far as his friends are concerned, his name is synonymous with “party.”
While I can deal with his antics most of the time, his aversion to clean, flat surfaces is an issue for me. His specialty is cluttering up a clear table within minutes of entering the room.
JM aka The Oldest By Two Minutes
Once upon a time, he was a sweet chubby-cheeked boy who loved getting into things. Now he’s a grown man who still loves getting into things. And not putting them back. Ever. After fixing dinner for his beloved girlfriend recently, he did a FEW of the dishes. When asked if he was going to do the rest of them, he replied, “Well, I washed a few that weren’t mine…”
*sigh*
Unfortunately for JM, he has inherited my slovenly traits with none of the guilt and desire to overcome them. His future wife is gonna be one lucky woman. Hopefully she won’t hold it against me too much and I’ll get to see my grandchildren! JM’s specialty is leaving dirty laundry all over the house.
JL aka The Prodigal Son
Poor, poor JL. Not only is he the only right-handed one in the family, he’s the only one who had any sense of order. Until we drove it out of him. Now, he’s just as bad as the rest of us and probably an even bigger pack rat than The Boyfriend. After all, The Boyfriend doesn’t have a walking stick brought home from camp. Never mind that he didn’t take it back with him when he went BACK to camp.
This makes JL’s specialty leaving stuff behind. He does it a lot. If he has his way, he’ll be heading to Australia in a year. If I have my way, he’ll be visiting the local dump first!
Mickey and Alex
Don’t let their sweet faces or the fact that their cats fool you. These two are just as guilty of contributing to the disaster we call “Home.” Alex is a neurotic orange tabby who plays with toys and promptly loses them, makes an absolute mess out of the feeding area and I suspect he’s the one leaving me dead mice outside in the driveway. Mickey is the big sister, always hanging out in the bathroom sink hoping for faucet drips (and periodically clogging the drain with her shedding fur) and leaving paw prints and nose prints on walls and windows. But her favorite thing? Waiting until I’ve vacuumed and dusted a room before hacking up her last meal. It’s a joy, really. Don’t you wish you were me??
And speaking of me…
When I was 12 years old, my ex-stepmom’s cleaning lady refused to come into my bedroom. At the time, I thought she was playing favorites. Now, I’m pretty sure she was just afraid. I can’t be too mad at my kids for following in my footsteps.