This year for Christmas, the boys and I will be doing something that we have never been able to do: stay home.
About three months ago, I started thinking how cool it would be if the boys and I could just hang out at home all day in our pajamas and play board games. JM and I had a board game marathon last Christmas Eve and it was actually quite fun with just the two of us. It can only be better with three of us, right?
I like small groups of people with whom I feel comfortable. But the holidays tend to throw out situations very different from what I crave. After more than 25 years of my dad and stepmom being together (they started dating when I was 14), I think it’s a safe bet that I’m never going to have a close relationship with my two older stepsisters and their families. And even though I get along great with the youngest, I’d still prefer to hang out with her and her sons when there aren’t a lot of people around. The same goes for my dad and stepmom.
After six years, I’m still not very comfortable with The Boyfriend’s family. It helps that The Boyfriend and I have visited his grandma in NJ a few times, and that his one brother and sister-in-law have hung out with us on several occasions. It helps that his mom is the exact opposite of my former mother-in-law and that we’ve gone to concerts with his parents. But get everyone together in one room and I will soon be on the lookout for a quiet moment in the corner.
It’s easier when things are on my own turf. I never had a problem hosting Acoustic Slumber Parties, although I still did seek that quiet time now and then.
As difficult as large groups have always been (I can recall dreading large family gatherings even when I was a kid), holidays were even worse after my husband died. With my built-in buffer gone, I had to face the music alone and in the midst of grief. I’m not sure I’ve ever completely recovered.
Maybe that’s part of the reason it was important to me not to go anywhere this year. I’ve never had, in the 12 years since my husband has gone, a Christmas Day at home with just my kids and nowhere we have to be. It’s sounding more and more to me like the perfect Christmas.
Hope you got your wish of a perfect Christmas!
It was the best holiday I can remember in… ever? I found it to be the most relaxing experience. Not one instance of bickering all day long. That has NEVER happened on a holiday before.
Suzanne, I just stumbled upon your website & am captivated! I sure am a kindred spirit in the respect that I too love people, but only in small groups and especially at my house! I am also a cat lover…I lost count while perusing your year in review, but I think you have more than 6 (my current cat-count). My little piece of country heaven is urban compared to yours (Modesto,CA-major producer of almonds and home of the largest winery in the world, Gallo!) Anyway, I have always imagined writing as a vocation but I am terrified of failing at something I love and I don’t even know where to start. Could you tell me about what you do to help repressed writers? Thanks, your new e-buddy, Valerie
Your blog is interesting. YOU are interesting. Sorry to hear that your husband died.