Last night, I received a really nice email from one of my favorite bloggers. I won’t mention her name - she knows who she is. But I do want to talk about something that she mentioned in her email.
She said that she typically didn’t comment because she felt anything she said would be dumb. (I’m paraphrasing.) Reading that reminded me a lot of what Stacy said during her panel at BlogHer, about trying to be funny but not sure if she really was. (She is. And so is the blogger who sent me the email.)
In the past few weeks, I’ve posted comments in places (I’m not going to say where because I don’t want you all running off to find them) where as I was writing, I felt inspired; as though I really had something to say on the issues at hand. And in nearly every case, the author of the original post seemingly misinterpreted what I was trying to say. As I said in my email response to my blogger friend, I felt my comments were dismissed.
I lurk in a lot of online forums. I’ve moderated message boards and mailing lists and I’m all too familiar with people who post things just to get a reaction (usually negative) out of others. In extreme cases, these people are called trolls. But in some forums, they’re regular posters who post just enough legitimate commentary to be tolerated when they rake someone over the coals for having a differing opinion. This has the unfortunate consequence of silencing people who may have a lot to say but are afraid of others thinking they’re dumb.
Ok, it’s a cruel world out there. I understand that. If I want to play with the bigwigs, I should develop a thicker skin. That’s all well and good, except that the people I’m referring to are no bigger and certainly no smarter than me. And if you pay attention long enough in these forums, you’ll find that the ones who are smarter aren’t the ones attacking people for their ideas.
The places I’ve posted recently weren’t these types of places. Sure, those types of individuals exist everywhere, but some places attract more than others. The people I responded to weren’t those types of individuals. They were people whose writing I have enjoyed for months, if not years. I think that’s why it bothered me that my point of view was so misunderstood. I didn’t expect that.
Now, all of us are human, and we tend to forget that in other people - frequently, in fact. When I read the responses to my comments, it hit me harder than it should have. I’m blaming that on two weeks of extreme stress at work and home, and not nearly enough sleep to think clearly. And I’m ok with it now. Will I continue to comment on things those individuals post? Probably not. It’s sort of reinforced my belief that these particular forums aren’t good fits for me.
So, we move on. I move on, with the hope that I never say anything that makes any of you reading that your opinions are valued. I may not always agree with those opinions. But they certainly do matter.
Comments are such a big deal to me. I try to answer them all either in the comment itself or via e-mail, but lately I have been a little slower than usual because the black pit of depression is once again regaining its footing. I can totally relate to what you write about comments being misunderstood; I have written entire posts that were misunderstood. And how do you overcome that, you know? The internet is an odd place in that you’re anonymously exposed and when I feel misunderstood I feel ridiculous and that I need to do something about it immediately.
This is beginning to be a rather long comment (sorry!!) but I just want to stand in support of the fact that you took the time to actually say something. Lurking is fine - I do it, too - but at least in my case I view everyone who writes me or in the comments as important and an individual and as such are so appreciated. I don’t know that comment you wrote, but if the intent was good and you were being honest and didn’t try to hurt anyone, I don’t think you should feel bad about it. I have a very thin skin and like you I’ve felt that I need to have a thicker one (recently I have been thinking of ending JN permanently because of this), but you know what? Reading this has reminded me that we’re all in the same boat. Don’t get a thicker skin - just keep being yourself. You’re great as you are.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I guess I just want to say that we’re all in the same boat, even when it doesn’t seem like we are.
Very cool post.
Written word has more of a chance of being misinterpreted than spoken word.
And sometimes people are just mean.
Why they get their kicks by making others feel bad is something I don’t get.
Thankfully.
I know you’re supposed to feel sorry for people like that but I kind of want to kick their asses.
Karma, baby, karma.
I think everyone likes receiving comments, because it shows that someone has paid attention to what you’ve said. However…I’m the type of person that comments for the sake of commenting.
I hate it when people just leave hellos in the comment part of my blog. That’s why I put the tagboard on the side.
…you’ll find that the ones who are smarter aren’t the ones attacking people for their ideas.
Oh, how true that is. I’m cackling like a madwoman over that.
Anyway, I appreciated your recent comment about CSI: Miami, and any other ideas you want to throw my way. And I commit to commenting more here.
Also? Go Cubs. It’s an exciting end of season over there.
hey valerie! i agree it’s hard to be understood sometimes. i worry that people will take my sarcasm the wrong way and be offended.
sorry i haven’t been by. my rss feed isn’t updating your site, so i keep forgetting to come by & check (i rarely use my bookmarks anymore). i’ll try to do better about that.