Life has been, quite frankly, a bitch. Stressful circumstances bring out the worst - and the best - in people. Much as I’d like to say that I’m in the latter category, that would only be true part of the time. I’m grateful for that part, at least.  It’s the only thing that keeps me going some days.

I realized something last night, during the six hours that I had between getting home from work and needing to get up for work today. I have a lot of things swirling in my mind and some of them scare me. I want to write about them, and yet I don’t. Writing about them might make them too real.

On the other hand, yesterday L and J and I were talking about irrational fears. Most people have at least one. I have one that I’ve never written about, but it still exists: If I see a spider (or other creepy bug) in the house, I can’t kill it. Not because I have a great love for all things in nature, but because I’m afraid I’ll miss and it will come back for revenge.

Writing about it didn’t change anything. A bug is no more likely to come back for revenge than it was before I stated how I felt. (I hope.)

I need to be more honest with myself about the things in my head and less concerned with what might happen if I actually brought them into the light.

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Maybe I’ll just hang it up. Call it a day. Hide it on the top shelf and forget about it like every other useless object gathering dust in my life.

The things I say here matter so little anyway. And the things I say elsewhere are nearly always misunderstood.

Truly, I wonder why I’ve bothered this long.

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Really, I haven’t. I just don’t seem to be finding a lot of time to A) email, B) respond to comments or C) blog right now.

What free time I do have right now is spent A) sleeping, B) doing homework, or C) ridiculous things around like the house such as grocery shopping.

Today is Day 3 of six straight at work and I’m already dreading going in. Today and Thursday will be the worst days, because we’re understaffed. Today is worse for me, because the staff shortage lasts the entire night. Thursday is worse for the day crew because they have a two hour block of no students. Hopefully, we will have some new faces to fill these time slots soon.

In the midst of it all,  after making the necessary moves to avoid the game of musical cars early this morning, JM woke me up anyway to tell me he had a flat tire. I let him take my car to class, but my response to his “What should I do about it?” question was not something he wanted to hear. Let’s see… you’ve known that the tire was leaking air for weeks. Hmm… And now you want ME to fix it?

I don’t think so. I think you need to figure out this one on your own. I have enough on my plate right now. But hey, thanks for thinking of me!

The nice thing is that I have a three-day weekend this weekend, and a three-day work week next week, as I finally get into my normal Sunday through Thursday schedule.

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My darling new niece seemingly loves to smile at me, except when I’m trying to get her on video. I think we turned the camera on her about five times before she finally stopped staring at us and gave us what we wanted. It was adorable! Priceless! Look at the sweet little angel smile! Look at her bashfully turn her face away from the camera. Awwww….

Look at her flip me off!

Mixed Messages from Valerie and Vimeo.

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No time for sleep… fall semester’s in full swing.

Recap of last two days:

• Little sleep
• Lots of running at work
• Little actually accomplished at work
• Half hour lunches
• No allotted breaks
• “Working to the contract” = Dream on
• Classes? I’m taking classes this semester?
• Homework? I have homework to do?
• I really need a nap
• Yes, JM, I know there’s no food in the house
• I have one day off this week and I’m spending it at a family reunion
• There probably won’t be food in the house next week either
• Is it Labor Day weekend yet?

I wonder if I have time for a nap before work….

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Today is the day when chaos ensues: the first day of fall semester. This affects me as an employee, a parent and a student.

On the employee side, our library’s first floor is still undergoing a complete renovation. Our department (circulation) has been temporarily located to the completed reference/information side of the library, while they remain upstairs on the second floor where they have been since the demolition first began. The building that houses the library has a concourse that runs between the student union and a very busy pedestrian bridge. The concourse is a shortcut for everyone on campus. And right now? Half of it is closed. Last spring, it was the south side and a temporary wall blocked access. The south side is done and open while work continues on the north side. But there’s no temporary wall and even before campus was full of people (like it is today), there were individuals trying to walk through the construction.

A similar situation exists within the library itself. The elevators are directly in line with the front entrance, but in between is where most of the construction is taking place at the moment. And I have to say, it really doesn’t matter how many arrows are drawn and signs are posted; people either don’t see them or choose to ignore them and wander through the danger zone anyway. *sigh*

The first week will be the worst. Returning students will be disoriented at first and then get the hang of where they can and can’t go. Incoming freshman will be disoriented for longer, and just when they get the hang of it, we’ll go and change everything. And we won’t get any work done until at least next week when things begin to settle into something resembling normal.

As a parent, this marks the day when JM and JL head back into class and hopefully make this semester a success. I’m going to hope for the best. My main concern today is that JL is en route back to Ohio and he will likely encounter some nasty weather. I’m not going to fully relax until I hear that he’s safely at home.  All of his classes start tomorrow, so he won’t be missing anything today. JM has one class today and two classes tomorrow, and he’s back at work on campus today as well.

As a student, I make a point to take online classes whenever possible. This semester, I’m taking Beginning Adobe Illustrator and Podcasting, Vodcasting and Blogging. I logged in to both classes last night so I could print off my syllabi, and one of the requirements for my blogging class is that I open up a Blogger account. So, I’ll be posting over at my old blog for a little while. Feel free to pop in and see what’s up. The blogging part will be easy enough, but I have reservations about having video of myself up there. I’ll feel like a dork. Oh wait. I AM a dork. 

For all of my co-workers (who surely don’t have time to be reading my blog today), hang in there… I’ll be in soon!

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It never fails. In addition to my moodiness and craving for chocolate, my raging hormones also trigger the nesting instinct. I’ve mentioned this here before, and I do wonder if anyone else notices this? Or do I only notice it because I’m so unmotivated to do housework the rest of the month?

At any rate, for the first time since June, my living room is a place I want to spend time again. I truly can’t believe how much I accomplished today. Not only is the futon upstairs in JM’s room, but I’ve managed to find a place for all of The Boyfriend’s guitars and amps AND set up a little office nook for me in the dining room so I’m not in JL’s way when I need a desk. Or my file cabinet.

When the library started renovations, they were going to toss a bunch of desks and tables that wouldn’t fit back into the new space. Some of them were in pretty bad shape, but others still looked pretty good. Even though I have a perfectly good desk where my desktop computer resides, I snagged a small one to use with my laptop. I had planned on bringing it out after the boys moved out, but since JL will need a computer for school, this was the perfect time. And I’m not kidding - it fits perfectly in the space I have for it, along with my file cabinet and my shredder. Now when I bring the mail in every day, I have an actual place not far from the front door to deal with it right away.

There’s still a lot to do tomorrow. We have to put a door on JL’s room and I still have a lot of stuff to clear out of there. And there’s a huge plastic tub of papers I have to go through; most of which will probably go into the shredder. But just to be able to look around and enjoy my surroundings… wow. I mean… WOW!

And since it’s only 8:30 and The Boyfriend isn’t off work for another two hours, I’m going to play with CSS for a little while. We may be going out for a bit this evening, which I believe I deserve after a job well done!

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Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored frequently posts the entertaining things her daughter says. Today’s statement about getting “block sick” reminded me of something I used to say to charm my own parents when I was young.

“I can’t eat any more green beans. My green bean thingy is full. But my apple pie thingy is still empty!”

Substitute green beans for any food I didn’t want and apple pie for any food I did, of course. I’m not sure it ever worked. Maybe the first time I tried it.

I don’t remember much about things I actually said when I was little, but that’s one of them. I hope Kristen’s daughter will remember some of the gems she’s come up with.

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Tuition bill paid? Check.

Textbooks purchased? Check.

Flash drive ready to go? Check.

Software downloaded? Nope, not until I get paid. But otherwise, I’m ready for fall semester. I’m very excited about my classes this time around. No undergraduate students pretending to be “instructors.”

The boys? Not so much ready for the semester. JL has an excuse; he’s still in Pennsylvania and won’t be back until his first day of class. I’ve requested most of his textbooks from OhioLink, but I still need to run over and pick up his math book for him (which I am only doing because if we wait until he comes back, there’s less chance of getting it used). JM hasn’t even mentioned this semester. I worry about that. I worry that he’s just not ready for school at all and he absolutely HAS to do well this semester.

Actually, the worry isn’t so much that he’s not ready. I’m worried that he’s bothered about not being ready. It’s perfectly ok that he’s not ready, but he doesn’t realize that. I wouldn’t care if he opted to take a semester or two off, experienced life a little bit more, worked a few more unpleasant jobs to rule out what he doesn’t want to do. But he’s surrounded by friends who do seem to know what they want. And I think it’s frustrating and more than a little scary for him. He’s driven by this need to keep trying school, even though the classes he registers for aren’t interesting to him in the least.

There is a slight chance that this semester might be different. One of his classes is related to one of the areas he has expressed interest in before. So, I’m crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Because it’s not a whole lot easier for me to see him stressing out than it is for him to be the one stressing out.

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aka The Man Who Turned Us Into Cubs Fans…

JM is currently in Chicago, where he attended his very first Cubs game, an early birthday present from his girlfriend, A. They ended up having to leave before the game ended in order to catch the Megabus back to Toledo, but he was able to see quite a bit of action, including a few home runs. The game is tied at nine each in the bottom of the seventh. I told him I’d send him updates via text messaging.

It’s too bad that there was a rain delay tonight; otherwise he might have seen a complete game. But if I know JM, it was enough for him to be there. It would be for me.

And incidentally, my first Cubs game will be on September 21. And I already know that when I finally see Wrigley, I will cry. (I’m tearing up just thinking about it now!)

I seriously *heart* baseball. Go CUBS!

Technorati Tags: baseball, Wrigley Field, Chicago Cubs

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